Thoughts on Paper

I have found since I got up this morning that I have many things running through my head and the best way to organize or make sense of it all was to sit down and write. I know you all live for the newest pictures of the cutest girl in the world, but those will come, I promise!

I have been living in a perfect world for almost 6 1/2 months with the most beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl anyone could ask for. We wished, hoped and prayed that God would bless us with a gift that would be beyond wonderful and that he has. Words can't and won't ever be able to express the joy she has brought into our hearts, home and family. She is truly a gift from God and I thank him every chance I get. He heard our cries, pleas and tears and she is more than we could have EVER dreamed of.

Still with all the love, warmth and fulfillment in my heart, I still have a huge painful hole that doesn't seem to ever go away. I assume (even though I hesitate to do it) that October will aways be a reminder month of what's not here.

Weekend before last I had a great time experiencing Claire's first trip to the pumpkin patch, knowing she is too young to enjoy it, but still having a great time and of course capturing it all on camera. But part of me hurt so bad inside. Since January 2007 I planned in my head for our newly discovered pregnancy who would celebrate their first birthday around pumpkins, apple orchards, and fall decor on a crisp, but sunny afternoon.

How can one feel so different (and extreme opposite) feelings all at once. To have such an awesome miracle in your arms who is laughing, talking and making your heart melt, but still hurt and ache for what is gone? God has a funny way of making you feel crazy and knowing all the while he is in control and has a plan for it all.

I'm not sure why this morning I decided I needed to verbalize my feelings, but getting out my thoughts makes things a little easier to process. I know to some our situation seems more than wonderful, perfect and "what more could you ask for" and it is, we are blessed and I am thankful. But these smiles, memories, and good times didn't come without a price of heart ache, confusion, anger, tears and questions. And I guess I have come to realize that those things won't ever really stop. We had pain, but lived through it, asked God to carry us and then he handed us a wonderful gift for our sacrifice.

Claire and I spent the weekend in Roanoke and as I sat back and watched all the smiles and joy she brought to many different faces in 2 days, I knew she was sent to "save" us all. She is nothing shy of a miracle to me after truly experiencing how miraculous making a healthy life can be. As I drove home yesterday, I had 3 hours to reflect on how life is precious and you can't take it for granted. The car was quiet for all of an hour as she napped, but then the rest of the trip was full of cooing, singing and talking from the backseat. And as I have said before, it is truly the most precious sound I've ever heard.

So even though things are a little different this fall and it's not a first birthday party we are celebrating, I am celebrating the happiness, joy and laughter that has filled our home and family. After thinking back to this time last year and the worry we had, the scary doctor's visits we got through and all the days we got to hear, "everything still looks perfect" I have come to realize....things really are perfect.

Girls in Roanoke

Claire & I decided to spend the weekend in Roanoke catching up on some visiting time with family & grandparents. Here are a few pictures from our time at home, including our trip down to Ikenberry Apple Orchard with the "sweetest fruit."

Coming two by two

So we got our answer for some of the "difficulties" we've been having for the last few weeks..if you look on her bottom gum, you will see two pearly whites poking out of the skin. We had been seeing them for the last couple of weeks, but they broke through and no wonder she has had a rough month. No more "mouth full of gums" smiles....here they come two by two!

Girls Getaway

Claire & I got away for a few days for a little "girl time" and had a blast. We went to Lake Badin with some friends and just spent time playing, eating and going to the NC Zoo. Here are some pictures from our trip.

Beautiful sunset over the lake
Trip to the Zoo (our 3 little monkeys)
Some girl play time
Clara & Claire
No matter what, we still eat!

Pumpkin Patch

Trip to Hunter Farms to pick out a pumpkin

Spending time with Grandma & Grandpa

Just relaxing after an early morning and long walk!
Having some lunch
Playing with Poppa

Race for the Cure

We walked to support the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday. There were more than 17,000 participants and they raised more than a half a million dollars for cancer research.
We had a great time and Claire enjoyed her ride in the stroller!